A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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