Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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