I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
