I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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