I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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