i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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