Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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