So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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