love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
