meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
