Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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