i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
