I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
