i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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