giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
