do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
