haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
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