i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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