I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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