Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
