Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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