I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
