I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
