It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
