She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
