I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
