i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
