wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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