i wish starbucks made bloody marys
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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