I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
