You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
being pregnant is like rehab
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
