i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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