I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
