i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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