my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
