super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
