So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
