Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
