Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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