I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
