I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
