yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
