i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
