I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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