Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
