As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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