I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
