I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
