My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
