you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
