she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
These tits shall not be calmed
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
