oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
